It’s taken the best part of 7 years, but finally I’m ready to turn the page & create the next chapter. 

7 years on & off bed rest, dealing with bad skin & eventually another pressure sore that needed operating on. 

I was living a half life, trying to do all the things to heal, but still looping in the same old story, skin getting better for a moment, then BANG, it broke down again, taking that moment of light & life away from me again.  Back onto bedrest in the same 4 walls, doing the work, the meditation, Journalling, affirmations gratitude, thinking I was digging deep to get out of the loop, but clearly not digging deep enough to clear the wounds of my past to support me in moving into my future. 

Finally in 2023 I woke up & smelt the coffee, realising I needed help, I needed therapy to work through the medical trauma I had received from past hospital visits,  I needed to do the work in that area, to clear my fear & get myself back through those hospital doors to see my spinal cord specialists, to help them get rid of this presdure sore once & for all. 

Only once I had done the work, really accepted & cleared the trauma, could I put my big girl pants on & wheel through those doors to the hospital, to take on whatever was going to be thrown at me. 

I was ready to finally move forward, let go of the past, learn from it, but not let it take over my life, I was ready to start living again. 

Leaning into the dark side of life, doing the therapy was hard, it took time & patience, I had therapy initially twice a month, then moving down to once a month & in between  those sessions I journaled, meditated, worked through the shit that had been keeping me stuck in this 7 year cycle of fear, anxiety, what if’s, tourment!!

2024 has not been a piece of cake, it’s been a year of grit, determination & strength. But once I made the decision, had the emotional strength to see my consultants, speak with the surgeons, I was ready for an operation, ready for the few months in hospital, because although bloody hard, there was light at the end of the tunnel, there was a new chapter, a new part of my life  just waiting for it to be lived. 

And Yes, getting through the operation, the long hospital stay, was a challenge, a mountain, I overcame & conquered, thanks to the strength.  I found  deep within from all the work I had done. 

Once  home, although exciting, it’s been scary, a new mountain to conquer, to climb to overcome. 

It hasn’t been easy, there have been set backs, I have found myself heading towards old feelings & patterns, the subconscious trying to lead me into what felt comfortable for it & me. But those old habits & patterns are know longer comfortable & I have been retraining myself each & everyday to find my new comfort zone, my new power. 

Giving myself self compassion for what I have been throug, congratulating myself for what I have achieved. 

The route up thismountain, isn’t straight forward, there are detours on the way & I just need to learn to navigate them each & everyday, by using my practices in each of my main 3 areas of life. Movement, Nutrition & Mindset. 

But this new mountain is the start of my new chapter, my new life, sat up in my wheelchair,  having adventures, sharing my story, through living my life. 

No more Bedrest, no more getting stuck in old patterns, looping around & around in the same old story. 

I am ready for this new chapter, I am going to lean into it with all I have, to ensure it is a chapter brimming with life. 

It might be tough at times, a day by day process, but I have the tools I need to thrive & conquer each & everyday. 

I am ready to live, i am ready to embrace my new chapter.